


Duae Animae

by elisetales



Category: Infernal Devices - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-11
Updated: 2011-08-11
Packaged: 2017-10-22 12:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/238010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisetales/pseuds/elisetales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will ponders his love and admiration for Jem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Duae Animae

The only thing Will wants is the one thing he can't have.

Sometimes he regrets making Jem his parabatai—if they weren't locked together in battle, he reasons, then perhaps they could be locked together in something else. But he knows it isn't sensible to dwell on this. The way things are now are the way they shall stay, and really, there are worse things in life than wanting what you can't have.

Like allowing yourself to love a dying boy.

They sit on the stairs together outside the Institute, huddled against the stinging cold. Jem's handkerchief is spotted with blood again and his hands are shaking. Will doesn't ask him if he's alright. He knows it only makes Jem annoyed with him when he does. Instead he lets the frail boy lean bonelessly against him and tells him a fanciful story about his previous night's exploits, involving a one-legged barmaid, a bottle or two of whiskey, and a fiery French courtesan. Jem laughs and makes sarcastic remarks in all the right places, and Will knows that he needs this—even if it takes spinning a web of colourful lies to distract the boy from the pain he's in. Jem trusts Will where it counts, and this is all that matters.

When they are silent again it is much harder to ignore Jem's laboured breathing and trembling limbs. They look at each other and suddenly words seem redundant. Will offers a small smile and receives one in return, and reaches to swipe a spot of blood from Jem's chin with his thumb. The other boy's skin is cold and smooth as silk to the touch, and Will is again reminded of how beautiful he thinks Jem is. It doesn't matter to him that the boy is paler than milk, bony and fragile, and blue around the mouth: All Will sees in him is quiet strength; the courage to fight and live.

He wishes he could tell Jem that he loves him, but he knows that he can't. He won't hear it back, and voicing what they both know to be true is dangerous. Trysts between parabatai are strictly forbidden by the Clave, and being Shadowhunters is their calling; neither of them are willing to place it in jeopardy in the name of love. But Will doesn't think he even needs to hear those words. He sees them every time Jem looks at him.

With a sigh, Jem leans his head against Will's shoulder and closes his eyes, mumbling something indecipherable. Will puts an arm around him to keep him warm and they sit there in silence, side by side, as the full moon shines down upon them.

_~Finis~_


End file.
